On The Brink of Failure

Tags

brink, dream, failure, losing, poker

It’s strange but I have been meaning to write this blog post for quite a few weeks now. Weeks turned into two months so it feels good tapping my thumb prints onto the smooth keyboard keys.

Let’s wind back the clock a few months to August 31st of this year. It was technically the first of September but the derailment had started late in the evening of the 31st. It was now the first of a new month after a fairly regular all night poker session. The worst session of my poker life to be exact. I had a really nasty start to my cash session and was much more than 1k deep into the game. After some nasty pot holes earlier in the session I had kicked the tires back onto the smooth roads of a beautifully scenic comeback. That’s when the car was set to crash into a gigantic oak that was two very overplayed monster hands. To make the long story short I basically gave away all the money I had gained back and then some. I was felted twice in two major hands and the table fur had swallowed me like a green hole of death. But in the end it was really my play, not the felt nor the cards, that was my unraveling. I should have played two hands much safer which was totally prudent considering both game theory and logical deductions from these villain player behaviors.

In the end I found myself at home, after the biggest losing session of my life, on the brink of failure which was my professional poker career. After coming home at 6am I couldn’t sleep and felt compelled, although mentally kicking and screaming like a tantrum infused child, to search for a disgusting corporate job to slam me back into the wall of reality.

When my wife awoke and asked what I was doing my tear ducts began to flow like a steady dripping spigot. I explained what I was doing and we had a short discussion. It was brief as she was preparing to get ready for work, as she always has for years on Sunday morning. The gist of the conversation was that I was coming to the realization I just might not have the patience and discipline to make consistently what I knew were strategically proper decisions day in and day out, hand after hand. Poker, if you let it, can be like a long standing stretch in the hole of solitary confinement. Only you and your thoughts agonizing about what went wrong and wondering how you can survive each forthcoming minute, hour, day, week, and month.

Forgive me for leaving a little cliff hanger here, like buttery hands digging into a steep cliff’s crevice, but the post has already become too lengthy. You will just have to stick around and anticipate my next post which will reveal much more about how I moved forward from this fulcrum of fear.

Until next time, Smile Big and Dream Bigger!

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I finally did it! I quit my job to pursue my dream!!

Tags

dream, dream bigger, freedom, living the dream, poker

April 2nd was my last day in corporate America. On my first day walking through the rarely traveled dream path, I posted the following on my Facebook page:

I’ve always been fond of the Latin phrase Carpe Diem. My affection for the phrase, however, for a very long time now felt mostly like this utopian idea to aspire to.
Yesterday, however, I put that idea into action. After working in Corporate America for over 20 years, I have decided to step away to pursue other endeavors I have been dreaming about for a very long time. I am extremely grateful that I was able to work for such an amazing company over the last 20 years. I learned a lot while working there and it shaped who I am today. While I will miss regularly seeing many of the friends I have made over the years in corporate America I am very excited about the opportunity before me to try working my dream job.

Some may question my choice, but I am lucky to have the love and support of my closest friends and family. My wife’s faith in me and my ideas for a future career of self-employment have been instrumental in me building up the necessary courage to move forward. Outside of her love for me and the children she gave birth to for us, it is the greatest gift I could have ever asked for. Sure, I have some fears about taking this leap of faith, but these fears are much less than the fear of future regret. Without me moving forward with this decision, my elderly self may have looked back on my life with disappointment for not taking this opportunity to try to succeed at this specific dream of mine.
For those of you who may be worried for me and my family… Don’t Be! I have been planning for yesterday’s developments for many years now and I have taken all the necessary steps to provide financial stability for me and my family as I pursue my dream.

I believe it was Wayne Gretzky who said… “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Well the time has come for me to take my shot. I feel I have developed the skills and done the necessary planning to score many goals moving forward.

My last boss was a huge fan of Steve Jobs’ quotes, so I will leave you with this… “Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

Carpe Diem!!

Going forward, my blog posts on this page will detail the journey of staying on the dream path, hopefully without having to u-turn back to Corporate America. I hope to post more as I share my future success in the poker world. When people ask me how I am doing, and I say… “living the dream,” I can now say it with confidence that I truly mean it. Untill the next post, Smile big and dream bigger. I know I am!!

The Last Mile of the Dream Marathon

Tags

dream, dreams, finish, finish line

All the pillars are in place, the ducks are lined up, the room is set, and the band ready to roll. While I have not reached the finish line just yet, I can see the dream signpost up ahead and the finish line tape waiting for me to bust through.

I have reached my financial goal to take the leap of faith and pursue my dream. I have the cushion necessary to give myself at least one year to succeed at this dream I have patiently been waiting to plunge into. The closer I get, the more I hope to reveal through this blog. Stick around; you don’t want to miss me smiling big and dreaming bigger at the finish line.

The Dream Accelerated

Tags

accelerate, dream, goals

Recently, I have been setting clearer goals to try and accelerate my course towards the dream finish line. If you read my blog regularly, or as regularly as I post which is not much recently, you know that playing poker professionally is part of that dream. Goal setting is always a key component of successfully realizing your end game.

Some of the goals I have set myself include making sure I track all poker cash sessions, playing on a more regular schedule, and ensuring I have enough hours of play to validate potential future success. Right now, I am playing poker twice a week and have a very good hourly rate. I have set for myself a bankroll goal which I plan to have going into the World Series of Poker in June. And finally,I have been regularly studying various poker resources to improve my game. If you have a dream, you have to work hard to get there. I am taking a better and more efficient path by being more diligent about my work ethic.

This renewed commitment has allowed me to plug a few key leaks in my game and has accelerated my results from pace car to speed racer. At times my play has been spectacular to the point of not recognizing the poker player I have become. I am still getting comfortable with my new poker skin but it is sure starting to feel more comfy. That comfort demonstrates that I am that much closer smiling big and dreaming bigger.

I’m Not Giving Up

Tags

Ask Gary Vee Show, blog, blog post, blogging, Eric Thomas, not giving up

Blogging takes a lot of work and it’s really easy to slow down to a point where the work of a blog ultimately fades away. Have you ever stumbled across an interesting blog post and then realize you are looking at something that was posted 3 or 4 years ago? It’s surprising, at least to somebody who is motivated like me, how many of these blogs have not had a post in weeks, months, and often times years. On multiple occasions, its almost happened to me. One thing to remember, however, is that all free blogs never die. If you are using a free blogging site, it will continue to remain in the ecosphere of the web unless you purposefully take it down.

I have been watching a lot of Eric Thomas videos lately. He is a relatively well known motivational speaker but I hadn’t been exposed to him until he showed up on the Ask Gary Vee Show a week or so ago. He is very much an in your face sort of motivator but he got my attention. Just recently, I was watching his video about finishing. This video motivated me to post this blog. It has been way too long and I am not going to start a race without finishing. I am not sure what finishing a blog looks like but I do know that you can’t finish a race if you stop running. So with this post, I have decided to start running again. Maybe finishing just means smiling big and dreaming bigger.

Do You Want a Path to Happiness? Here is the Most Important PowerPoint Slide You Will Ever See!

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Exercise, gratitude, happiness, journaling, meditation, positive psychology, random acts of kindness, Shawn Achor, the happiness advantage

 

To start, I must give credit where credit is due.  I didn’t create this slide.  The slide was created by Shawn Achor, who has a PhD from Harvard where he teaches positive psychology concepts.  He is also author of the book “The Happiness Advantage.”  His TED Talk: The Happy Secret to Better Work is one of the most entertaining and insightful talks I have ever seen.

While most of the bullet points on the slide are self-explanatory, I will give a brief description of each below.  They are, essentially, actions you should take to increase happiness.

• 3 Gratitudes – Write down every day three things you are grateful for.
• Journaling – Start a journal and write down on a regular basis your thoughts or feelings.
• Exercise – Get moving… Period!
• Meditation – Proven to decrease stress, this is a good one.  There are many helpful apps out there that provide guided meditation exercises, but this can be as simple as sitting and paying attention to your breaths for 5 to 15 minutes a day.
• Random Acts of Kindness – Look for ways to do kind things.  Preferably ,spur of the moment things.  If you have never bought coffee for the person behind you at the Starbucks drive though.  Try it sometme.  You will be shocked at how good you feel the rest of the day.

The best part about the 5 items above, there is actually research to back them up.  So these are not just ideas, they are proven steps for increasing happiness.  Try them out for a few days and leave a comment about your experience.

This could be the clear path to Smiling Big and Dreaming Bigger.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back – The Dream Delayed

Tags

Ace King, All In, Arizona State Poker Championship, Bad Beat, Jack Nine, Main Event, Matt Affleck, Mega Satellite, poker pro, Queen Jack, suited, World Series of Poker

After going to Vegas this Summer for the World Series of Poker I was feeling that I had honed my tournament skills and was really excited about the possibility of playing in this years Arizona State Poker Championship. The buy in was $1,100 which I didn’t want to lay outright. So I decided to try and win my way in, first with a Mega-Satellite in which they give out 1 entry for every 10 people who play. I was doing great and playing great. In this one, they were giving out 14 entries since 140 people signed up. I was getting short stacked as we got down to 19 players and was feeling really nervous. Getting this far and not winning my entry would be crushing. I was short stacked to the point of needing to push all in with any hand that contained an Ace. So I was in early position and looked down and saw my ace; when I was about to say all in, I of coursed looked at the next card and wouldn’t you know it, another Ace. I quickly pushed All In and the guy after me who had a few more chips than I, thought about it for at least a minute and a half before calling with Jack-Nine suited. I won’t draw out the story since most people hate to hear bad beat stories. Basically, I got knocked out when he hit his straight on the river.

Was I extremely disappointed, absolutely! I did, however, decide I was going to enter a two win one table satellite the weekend before the tournament. This is a $200 buy in where they play down to 2 players who each get their entry. It was a grind and a battle but I won my entry. I was extremely excited and called my wife and plastered it all over Facebook to let the world know I had won my entry and would be playing in the event.

I got into the event and it played out very similar to the Mega-Satellite. I was playing great but seemed to be short stacked most of the day. After playing about 8 hours of tight yet aggressive play, which is a very solid strategy, I looked down and saw Ace – King. For those of you who are not poker players, this is the best hand which doesn’t contain a pair. So I raise because I have enough that I can play a couple of solid hands without having to go All-In. The aggressive professional poker player Matt Affleck decides to re-raise me in hopes to get me off the hand. It folds around to me and I think for a minute to decide whether I should make my stand here or try and play on with an extremely short stacked. For most players it would be a no brainer to go All-In but I happen to be a damn good short stack player. In the end, I decided to go All-In and risk it. Mostly because I figured Matt was being aggressive as usual and most likely had a worse hand than me or a small pair which would make it a coin flip. Turns out, he had Jack – Queen suited and I liked my chances. To make the story short once again, he hit a Jack on the flop and knocked me out. All any player can really do is get their money in with the best of it and hope the better hand holds up. In this case it didn’t and it took me a few weeks to get over this beat. To rub salt in the wound, Matt ended up placing 5th in the tourney and winning $82,000 dollars, with of course, some of my chips.

So I decided to dig deeper into Matt Affleck’s poker career. After watching some YouTube videos of his deep runs in back to back World Series Main Events, I felt good to be up against a real time pro with the best of it. Even better, I realized he took a really bad beat as well in the Main Event with much more money on the line and much deeper into the tourney. Not because I wanted to see my revenge feeling realized but because I knew he could empathize completely with what I experienced.

As they say all the time, two steps forward and one step back. Time to pick myself up and get prepared for the World Series of Poker Circuit Event which comes to Arizona in February. Until then, Smile Big and Dream Bigger.

One Baby Step Closer to Living My Dream

Tags

daily tournaments, dream, Main Event, poker, poker tournament, professional poker player, Rio, The Hendon Mob, The One Drop, World Series of Poker

In case you forgot, one of my main dreams is to become a professional poker player. Last weekend I traveled to Las Vegas during the World Series of Poker. Most individuals that don’t really know much about poker don’t realize, depending on the year, there can be up to 60 bracelet events. When the layman thinks of the World Series of Poker, the only event that usually comes to mind is the $10,000 Main Event. This year, there are actually 65 bracelet events. For almost all amateur poker players, winning a bracelet event is a lifelong dream. I went to Vegas hoping to fulfill this same dream although I knew it was quite a long shot.

My plan for this trip was to win my way into Event #8, which is also known as the “Millionaire Maker Event.” As you can guess, it is titled this because the winner is guaranteed $1 Million. This is one of only three events that the winner will become a millionaire if they are not already. The other two are the “One Drop” which costs a Million Dollars just to enter and the Main Event. You must be thinking, who has a Million Dollars just to enter an event. The top 25 professional poker players in the world, that’s who. The buy in to Event #8 is $1,500. I could have just bought into it as anybody can, but I have not been playing as regularly as I should for somebody who wants to win a World Series of Poker bracelet. Because of this, winning my way in was the plan. Yes, as much as I hate to say it, life sometimes gets in the way of chasing our dreams. For me, this should only be temporary.

I flew into Vegas after work on Thursday night and by Friday evening the cash games were not treating me well. I was actually playing okay, but just wasn’t getting the cards and it is hard to bluff unwise amateurs in a low level cash game. So by about 9pm Friday night I only had a few hundred dollars in my bankroll and was worried I wouldn’t have enough funds to finish play a lot more hours without visiting the one machine in Vegas which always pays out… The ATM machine.

The Rio has daily deep stack tournaments and at about 9:30pm I decided to enter the 10pm tournament and figured at least I would get a few good hours of play without having to lose more than $135, since that was the entry fee. By 9:50pm I had my entry in hand and was getting prepared for the trite call to “shuffle up and deal.” So there are was, grinding it out and continuing my streak of almost no cards but picking up about 1 big hand every 1.5 hours. Pocket Aces, win a nice pot. Ace King, win a nice pot. Pocket Queens, win a nice pot. Almost 5 hours into the tournament I had a larger than average chip stack and all the players left (about 30) were getting closer to cashing in the event. The event had 204 entries and the top 21 got paid. I wont get into all the gory details but at about 5am, we were still playing and I was at the final table. There were no TV cameras, the poker room of over 200 tables was almost empty due to the late hour, and most of the people in the room were only the staff and a few cash game players. Despite that, to me this was important. I was already guaranteed to make money since the person out in 10th place would get $387 but I was shooting for the $5,306 first prize. This would guarantee my ability to enter the Millionaire Maker event. Like I was running all tournament, I was card dead except for 1 hand an hour. Despite being short stacked, I was able to outlast a few of the big stacks at the final table. Believe it or not, I can’t even remember how I was knocked out of the tournament. Maybe it had to do with the late hour or the multiple games I had played after the tournament since I was in Vegas until Monday afternoon. I was, however, proud to ultimately go out in 5th place and win $1,298.

This wasn’t really the big time but I did outlast 200 players. Nobody would know but me, my friends, and my family. The rest of the trip, the games went pretty similar but I did go deep in two other daily events I played. 37th out of 220 at the daily Aria tourney and 328 out of 1560 at the 3pm Rio Daily. So I cashed in 1 of 3 tournaments I entered and for the first time in awhile felt really good about my ability to play solid tournament poker.

Tuesday morning, I arrive at work feeling good about my game but realizing nobody else really knew that I cashed. With the exception, of course, of my friends and family. That is until a friend of mine at work, who also plays a lot of poker and knew about my cash, sent me a hyperlink starting with the important http://www.wsop. That’s right, they track and report who cashes in each of the three daily tournaments. And there I was, my 5th place finish listed on a PDF from the WSOP Site that shows the daily winners for May 30th. I felt like Navin R. Johnson from the movie “The Jerk” when he finds out his name is listed for the first time in the phone book. In the wide poker world, I was somebody. To everybody else in means nothing, but to me it definitely means something. It is the first of many upcoming cashes in my poker career. Its the first baby step to living my dream. The cherry on top was when “The Hendon Mob” site also reported out my tournament cash. The Hendon Mob is a group of professional poker players that decided a long time ago to create a poker database of all poker players that have cashed in reportable events. They also keep a running total of each poker players life long earnings. Here I was for the first time, listed on their site with my winning totals. In addition, their database will be tracking me for years to come. Assuming this isn’t my only cash… which it won’t be. I won’t let it be. I won’t stop until playing poker is my main job and I am smiling at the final table with a World Series of Poker bracelet in hand.

Until you see me on ESPN… Smile Big and Dream Bigger!

You Read the Dictionary??

Tags

1 year, A. J. Jacobs, dictionary, dream, dream bigger, Encyclopedia Britannica, obstacles, read, smile big, The Know-It-All, value, words

When I started reading the dictionary it was more about learning new words and taking on a knowledge quest. All I would need to do to complete the task, in just over a year, is read two pages a day… everyday. On the surface that seems really easy but it is actually quite difficult. It has taken me over two years to get through half and has become much more challenging than I expected. Early on I realized that many of the new words I was learning I would not remember. I do, however, still see the value that this project is teaching me. Now I am doing it just to learn about overcoming key obstacles to reaching a difficult goal.

To this day I remember reading long ago A.J. Jacobs’ book “The Know-It-All“. In this book he discusses trying to read the entire Encyclopedia Britannica in 1 year. He was able to achieve, what may seem to be, an impossible feat. My impossible feat of reading the dictionary is something I will never give up on until I ultimately succeed. If nothing else, this experience will teach me what it takes to achieve those seemingly impossible dreams. What is your impossible dream? Don’t give up! Go after it! Smile Big and Dream Bigger!

Leo’s The Man!

Tags

Career, Career Path, Learning, Leo Babauta, Path, Road Less Traveled

I have been meaning to post in my blog, for awhile, one of Leo Babauta’s blog posts. He is one of the most interesting and inspiring bloggers I have encountered. And when I say encountered, I just mean follow avidly. I also love that he doesn’t copyright his stuff and allows anybody to use it. In this day in age it’s basically unheard of. He realizes his work is so powerful that he would rather have it spread wider than protect it from misuse. So with the the utmost admiration and respect, I will turn you over to Leo now.

Letter to an 18-year-old on the Career Path Less Traveled By Leo Babauta

“Recently an 18-year-old who is finishing school wrote to me, asking for advice on choosing a career without enough life and work experience to make an intelligent decision.

He said, “Should I take the road less traveled, which may be risky and fearful, or choose a college course that interests me to some degree and see where that leads to. I suppose I don’t want to end up as the typical everyday-joe at the office from 9-5. I want to be different from the masses, to make an impact on this world, to be fulfilled. How do I get the best start into adulthood?”

It’s such a great question. And what I love is that he’s asking the question in the first place — most 18-year-olds just take the safe route.

Here’s what I’d say: take the career path less traveled.

If you don’t want to be the typical Everyday Joe, in a 9-to-5 office job, don’t go the route that everybody else takes.

If you want to be different than the masses, you have to take a different path.

I took the safe path when I was 18, and got a job and went to college, and it didn’t screw me up … but it also took me nearly 20 years before I finally found what I loved to do. It was a struggle, being on the road that’s well traveled, because I was consigned to a career I didn’t really like.

Yes, the career path less traveled is scarier. There are no guarantees. You are sticking your neck out, taking risks, being different, probably to the scorn of others. This is lonely.

But the loneliness is temporary. Soon you’ll find others who are doing things different, and you’ll connect with them in a way you’d never have connected with the people taking the safe path. You’ll be inspired by them, and inspire them in turn.

And the scariness is a lesson worth learning — if you can overcome a bit of fear, you can do anything. You’re not limited to the world of comfort and safety.

So what do you do on this scary, lonely, exciting path?

That’s totally up to you — you are empowered to figure things out on your own.

But here are some ideas:

• Learn about who you are. Meditate, and blog. Those are the best two tools for learning about yourself.

• Teach yourself stuff. The Internet has anything you want to learn, from writing to 3D animation to programming to carpentry to guitar. Never stop learning.

• Find out how to motivate yourself. There will be times when you don’t feel like doing anything. This is a good problem to have, because you’ll have to figure out how to solve it or else go get a boring job where someone motivates you. Solve it. You’ll be much better prepared for the road.

• Figure out what you’re passionate about. This isn’t easy, because it takes a lot of trial and error. Try a lot of things. When you get good at something, by the way, you’ll like it much more. You’ll suck at everything at first.

• Help others. When someone doesn’t know how to do something, teach them. When they need a hand, lend it. When they’re stuck, offer yourself up. Seek ways to help. It will teach you a lot, including who you are and what you’re passionate about. It’s also good motivation.

• Connect with others. Find people who love what you love, who are doing weird things, who travel, who make their own path. They are awesome and fun to hang out with.

• Learn to need little. If you need very little, you don’t need to make much. This frees you up to learn and explore more.

• Explore the world. You can travel very cheaply if you need little. Meet new people. Learn languages. Work odd jobs.

• Get really good at something. Practice, read more, watch others who are good, steal ideas and make them your own, work on projects that excite you and learn as you work on them, practice more.

• Teach something valuable. If you learn to program, teach a beginner. If you learn poker or guitar or martial arts, teach that. People will thank you.

• Get paid as a freelancer. When you’ve learned a skill, hire yourself out online. You don’t have to be awesome yet, just don’t charge a lot. Try to really deliver. On time. Be trustworthy and your reputation will grow.

• Sell something. Make a small product, whether digital or real world, and sell it. You learn a lot by selling.

• Learn to be a good person. Show up on time. Try your best to meet deadlines. Be honest. Learn compassion. Keep your word. Especially to yourself.

If you do half these things, you’ll love the path. If you do almost all of them, your impact on the world will be palpable.

And when you’ve been traveling this path for 6 months or more, write me back and tell me how it’s going.

with love,
Leo”

Powerful stuff from blogging master Leo Babauta. If that doesn’t cause you to smile big and dream bigger, I am not sure what will.